A wise person once said that when first learning about wine, you should refrain from forming or expressing strong opinions. We heard that advice and went, “Pfffft.”
What’s the point of wine writing, if not as an outlet for over-generalizations and manufactured outrage on trivial topics? C’mon wine friends–time to stir the pot!
This post is a solitaire version of a popular parlor game: Throwing out a barely-defensible wine opinion and attempting to justify it in a few sentences. (I’ve tried to limit my list to the truly controversial takes. Not widely accepted, lukewarm provocations like, “You should serve red wines slightly chilled,” or “Everybody should just drink what they like.”)
So here are nine of my favorite extra-spicy, certain-to-get-you-downvoted wine-discussion fire starters:
1. Italy is a better wine-producing country than France.
Both countries have varied climates, superstar grapes, and centuries of wine-making history. Before you account for price, it’s a dead heat. But when you factor in value, Italy wins by a mile.
2. Pinot Noir is overrated and overpriced.
It’s really hard to find a good Pinot Noir for under 40 or 50 bucks, and that’s annoying.
Oh sure, let me hear you ‘splain me why: It’s because Pinot is fussy and hard to grow. It’s climate-sensitive, delicate, and disease-prone.
But you know what, winemakers? That sounds like a “you” problem. If, on the other hand, I buy a bottle of wan, leafy Pinot that could have been three bottles of decent Cab instead, that’s a “me” problem.
P.S. This goes double for Burgundy.
3. Chenin Blanc is a boring grape.
While we’re picking on certain grapes, I do not understand the point of Chenin Blanc. It tastes like nothing. Pour me a great Chenin, change my mind. 😉
4. More people should be making mixed drinks with wine.
Cooking and mixology both rely on the blending of foodstuffs to produce a tastier result. A little seasoning here and there will complement and balance the flavors of your primary ingredient.
But somehow, this logic doesn’t apply to wine? Nuh-uh, I’m not buying it.
Europe arrived at the wine cocktail party first, but it’s not too late for American drinkers to catch up. Sherry and Cava is my current wine-concoction kink, but I also love mixing up a sangria, kalimoxto, or spritzer.
Here’s a low-risk gateway wine cocktail: Make yourself a proper whiskey Old Fashioned. Drink about 5/6ths of the Old Fashioned to steel your nerves. Pour a little red wine into the almost-empty glass and swirl it gently with the cherry and orange. Savor the aromatics with one tear rolling down your cheek.
Ice, soda, bitters, spirits, and fruit can all improve the taste of certain wines. So let’s stop treating wine like a sacred idol whose purity you dare not violate with mixers.
5. Anti-snobbery can be worse than snobbery.
“I’m not a wine snob!” shout all the wine industry professionals. “Wine is for everyone!”
And they’re right: The only way this sector is going to survive is by becoming more welcoming and accessible to people who don’t know much about wine theory (and maybe don’t care).
But sometimes, we can go too far the other way. There are anti-snobs who enjoy crapping on the whole concept of wine education, and by extension on people who have devoted their entire adult lives to understanding the nature and nuance of the grape.
I have no patience for the “tasting notes are all fiction and poetry” crowd. Ditto for the sloppy relativists who refuse to admit that quality production is even a real thing.
6. Hybrids are tasty and interesting.
Hybrids are grape varieties that have one European variety as a parent and one American variety as the other parent. At their best, they are tough, lovable bastards.
In Texas where I live, small family wineries are doing cool stuff with hybrids, specifically Blanc du Bois and Black Spanish. I’m sure that’s also true in other places where the climate is not Vinifera-friendly. But wine people act like they’d rather drink bilge water than let a hybrid wine past their lips.
Localized hybrids convey a sense of place. They represent practical, innovative, problem-solving wine-making in action.
Hybrids can sometimes contribute earthy and musky flavors to wine. In, other words, they’re rustic. When tasters talk about rusticity, they usually mean it as a diss–but I like to think of it as terroir‘s less charismatic little cousin.
7. It’s fun to smell the cork!
Experts generally agree that sniffing the cork doesn’t tell you much about the condition of a bottle. The say the best way to detect cork taint is to smell/taste the wine and see if it tastes like cork taint.
So, all right. Offering or sniffing the cork is a clumsy, archaic ritual only practiced by stooges. But I like smelling the cork before the wine is tasted. I do it at home, and sometimes in restaurants if I think the waiter won’t judge me.
The cork has wine on it. (Well, ideally it does.) It’s often coated with dried fruit aromas or oak aromas that are harder to detect in “wet” wine. It’s like a little preview of the bottle that it came from. If you’ve already finished the bottle, it’s a happy echo of what you just tasted.
Besides, corks are cute and bouncy and they smell nice! The scent of fresh cork evokes fond sensory memories, like a craft store or wood shop. Make fun of me all you like–I’m sure you sniff weirder things in private.
8. Cellaring wine is a waste of time and space.
Most wines aren’t meant to improve in the bottle. As for the ones that do, there are older vintages available from quality wine sellers. They likely have been stored in better conditions than most people have at home.
Does aging your own wine save you money? Eh, that’s really debatable. When you factor in construction, utilities, insurance, opportunity cost and so on, keeping your own cellar offers marginal cost benefits at best.
Also, tastes evolve. Because of education and experience, because of health and biological changes…and yes, because of prevailing trends. Do you really like all the same styles and producers that you did 20 years ago?
There’s a strong possibility that a big shift in drinking habits and wine preferences will come along at some point in your life. If it does, the wine you’re storing will have less perceived value to “future you” than it did when you laid it down.
Finally–and I’m not trying to be morbid here, but it’s the truth–there’s a non-zero chance that you will never get to drink the wine you’ve been diligently hoarding. Estate sales and auctions are stocked with wine from people who croaked while sitting on an enviable collection. That 2010 Montrachet could have been a whole vacation! It’s tragic!
My philosophy is, let the professionals worry about storing the good bottles. I’ll buy it from them when I’m ready to drink it.
9. Most wine is better alone than with food.
Look: I enjoy food pairing. I believe in the art and science of food pairing. I occasionally discuss food pairing on this blog. But any halfway honest person has got to admit that, when it comes to creating food and wine pairings that actually improve a wine, the odds are not stacked in your favor.
When wine and food harmonize, the union is divine. When wine and food slug it out, usually it’s the wine that comes out bruised and bloody. Compared to food, wine costs a lot and isn’t super good for you, so why risk messing up a wine treat?
The only time I want to experiment with food pairings is when I’m drinking inexpensive, typical stuff. If I’m uncorking a rare or premium bottle, no way. In that case, it’s best to stick to the handful of extremely safe “classic” pairings, or enjoy the wine before or after (but not during) a meal.
I generate questionable wine opinions like a vine generates shoots. (For example, see a previous article about why wine diamonds are nasty.) Follow The Wine Fairy for more!
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