The Wine Fairy

Everything I know about wine, I learned while scrolling Reddit on the can. Well, not everything–but a lot of it.

Reddit reminds me of what I loved (and currently miss) about Internet 1.0. Militantly anonymous and mostly non-commercial, its millions of forums are a messy, ad hoc encyclopedia of the known universe. Nary an influencer nor a clickbait in sight–just people typing at each other about their hobbies.

The r/wine subreddit is overflowing with industry gossip, swoonworthy bottles, naked opinions, and the occasional zinger. This list will be updated as I uncover more r/wine pearls o’ wisdom.

General Wisdom

Better to drink bad wine with great people than the other way around. u/andtheodor

1. Drink for enjoyment. 2. Share the experience. 3. Support the small producers you love who provide pure terroir expression. u/xvshitanvx

Quantity has its own quality u/SeekingBeerandDonuts

Let people drink want they like and enjoy it, even if it has a critter on the label. Plus, if they start drinking the good stuff, the price will go up. u/Capital_Punisher

Wine can be so pompous and rarefied, but really it’s just naughty grape juice which makes you feel jazzy, enjoy the ride. u/Hugo-J

Wines taste like everything under the sun except for grapes. TheTriflingTrilobite

On Food & Wine Pairings

Sometimes it’s just having a glass of wine with dinner other times it’s a revelation. u/rawdealbuffy

Wine doesn’t have to go with the dinner though. It can be the before and the after or just the after. Or just the before. Always pairing wine sucks. Wine can just be. [deleted]

Pairing white zin with food is easy: If it works with Diet Dr. Pepper, it’ll work with white zin. [deleted]

On Champagne

Bad champagne? I don’t know, maybe I’m not snobbish enough, but I feel that champagne starts at amazing and goes up. [deleted]

if i don’t know about what to match with, go with something from the origin of the dish or champagne u/VonBassovic

When it comes to Champagne, it’s better to have a grower than a show-er u/jezzter

It is not champagnes job to convince you of its worth. Champagne does not care if you like it. u/Brilliant_Support653

Stop busting it out at weddings! Its terrible with cake. u/hcashew

On Mass-Produced Wines

Avoid any winery that sounds like a subdivision. u/BeaGoodGirlDear

Won’t hurt you, probably, except in the taste buds and maybe the soul. u/flicman

Inoffensive to the dozen people at your party? Yes. Life changing for anyone? No. Is the wine objectively good? Impossible to say. u/HarbingerofRad

Meomi aint that bad guys. Its not good but you act like its devil juice u/JABBAtheFUCK

Cons: Tastes like stems and lighter fluid. Pros: It’s $5.99. You can buy it at the gas station. u/nickcash

If you’re on unknown territory and spending less than 15 euros/dollars/sterling in a supermarket, then the rule that castles, devils and bicycles define good wine whereas birds (particularly chickens), pigs and criminals do not, has served me very well. u/ebola1986

Be able to hold two opposing ideas in your mind at once: “This wine is generic and dull.” “This wine will sell like hotcakes.” u/VecsyRdr

If there’s too much mega purple in it, do not cook with it. u/physh

On Hangovers

Sulfite allergy has nothing to do with you having a headache after drinking a bottle of Apothic last night. u/Candid-Painter7046

Drink white, stay out all night. Drink red, go home to bed. u/Myfrogsaysreddit

One glass of wine, one glass of water, one glass of wine, one glass of water, one glass of wine, one glass of water, then it usually goes just wine… u/Double_Necessary6575

On Finding Good Wine

Simplest? A label written in French, that does not have a picture of an animal, a bicycle, or an attractive young person. [deleted]

My favourite wines turn out to have the tasting notes of my favourite fruits. Seems so obvious when you realise. u/binkstagram

Don’t judge wine by varietal. There are good Merlots, Chardonnays, and even Moscatos out there. u/daftydrafts

The better the bottle placement in the store, the more likely it’s mass produced. u/GahMatar

Shop by importer/distributor when you don’t know any producers you’re looking at rather than region or grape. u/apileofcake

But, yeah, a Malbec probably wouldn’t be a bad choice either. u/sarasmirks

Sub $50 bottles with horses on the label are always shit. u/Jmersh

If in doubt, go for Riesling! u/Spipet

On Drinking or Cellaring

Special bottles are wasted on special occasions. Special occasions are already special. Special bottles make their own occasions. Drink up. u/Longjumping_Hand_225

Wine will expand to fill your storage space. u/MusignyBlanc

Don’t wait to open the bottles you want, with the ones you love. u/BrendoVino

On Winemaking

Winemaking isn’t easy. Planted some vines, thinking it would be fun. It isn’t. But addictive. u/Delicious_Wishbone80

As my favorite winery owner/winemaker tells me, “I’ve been making wine for 30 years and I’ve made and sold $8 million in wine. And it only cost me $9 million to do it.” u/pounds

On What Makes a Good Wine List

If it has wines I like, wines I’m curious about and the markup doesn’t make me choose beer. u/fddfgs

Names I don’t recognize and varietals I do u/misselphaba

Multiple Kermit Lynch wines u/mdljr

If a winelist has sherry (dry) i kinda like it. u/Total_Repair_6215

Price, price, price. Don’t screw your customer. If I see something I recognise at an obnoxious price, you’ve lost my custom. u/n12xn

I trust a wine list when it does not look like a redacted, declassified CIA document from the 70s. u/0dirtyrice0

You lost me at ‘Interesting Wines’ u/Signal_Fun_6041

On Critics’ Scores

Listen to the opinion of others, but ultimately trust your own palate. u/DrStirbitch

James Suckling came to my wine shop! He was wearing a pink suit and danced up to the cashier to declare he was here to “Suckle [our] sweet juices” before releasing a live pigeon into the store. Then while we were all incredulously chasing after this major health code violation, Mr. Suckling pirouetted behind the counter, drank the vinegar dressing that I had with my salad from lunch, and gave it a 91. u/WornTraveler

Put down the Vivino Tracker, ignore Robert Suckling and delete Tik Tok (that’s just general advice) u/Rancor202

On Somms as Winemakers

It’s almost worse than celebrity labels because somms should know better. Cultural-Rip432

On Presenting the Cork

The cork thing bugs me. It’s like “here’s this piece of trash for you. Enjoy” u/hamanya

On Glassware

‘Stemless’ wine glasses are barbarous and not wine glasses at all. You may as well glug it out of a shoe, primitive swine! u/yer-what

You can always just throw a bag of frozen peas on or around your decanter while it’s on the counter. It’s not elegant, but it’ll do the job. u/Mkljfox

Flutes are dumb, coupes are worse. u/PopcornInTheBed

Yes coupes are perhaps not making the wine fully justice, but it has such a lovely shape. Like an oyster. Try drinking a Pol Roger with a beautiful woman (or man) in 100 year old Russian coupes you will see what I mean. u/chrisalbo

Good glassware, no matter the occasion. (Except for that one friend — they can get the cheap crystal.) u/deprechanel

On Chemicals in Wine

Crazy stuff like H2O, C12H22O11, C4H6O6, SO2, and maybe even C6H8O7!!!! u/noltan

If natural wine was so great, nobody would’ve changed it from when it was the only option. u/LilOpieCunningham

I just think that if a [natural] wine smells like paint thinner and vinegar and apple juice and is cloudy and leaves my mouth feeling like sandpaper, it sucks. You’re welcome to your own opinion, but don’t get upset when the established wine world thinks it’s garbage. u/AK-40oz

On Sherry

This is the wine you find in an old buccaneer booty cave while on an epic adventure and all you have is this, and cheese by candlelight. Oh, and you had to pry it out of the hands of a pirate skeleton corpse and rats come pouring out of the bones. [deleted]

It is actually insane that we can buy this super old, historic wine for peanuts. u/sicily_yacht

No other smell in this world portals me as far and as rapidly as a glass of oloroso. u/Bogavante

On Learning

You will never know it all. This kills me! There’s always something to learn. Focus. Find a region or a grape. Learn so much about it you’re just kinda over it. Then move on. If you look at the whole of “Wine” with the desire to someday know it all. You’re hosed mate. u/Medic5780

But hey there are tougher things in life than tasting wine. If it ever becomes too much of a grind then drink your favorite bottle and try to remember why you’re doing this in the first place. u/corkdorkdotio

It always just comes back to if it’s tasty or not […] If you have to be a nerd to appreciate the way a bottle of wine tastes, I personally find that kinda boring. u/apileofcake

On Service

Old before new / Good before bad / White before red / Dry before sweet u/henfeathers

Make sure you have a wine key that works well. A shitty one will result in so much frustration. Find one you like and guard it with your life. u/Eatcheez-petdogz

“No one minds a little teeth on the shaft, but not on the tip!” In other words, cut the foil below the lip of the bottle. [deleted]

At least SOME air will almost always improve a wine. It might be better on day 2 or even day 3, but I do not trust someone that says a wine is at its best on pop and pour. u/DepletedMitochondria

always start with a bottle of bubbles of some sort (who doesn’t like bubbles?) then go to your premium / dinner pairing pour second. cheap bottles for the rest of the night after. u/jgudnas

Random r/wine Thoughts

Who is this Brett, that tastes of horse sweat? u/dathomasusmc

I always tell people that if the French wanted you to pronounce the last letter, they’d put another one after it. u/flyingron

Do you own the actual glass when you buy a glass of wine ? Or are you just renting the glass u/worriednanni

It’s like I’m in r/firstworldproblems all of a sudden. u/tencircles