You did it again, didn’t you? You drank too much freaking wine. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to open that last bottle or order that last glass.
Now it’s morning. Your head is pounding, your stomach is wiggling, your eyes feel like they’re glued shut, and your liver was up all night Googling lawyers so it can sue you for damages.
Hangovers are a fact of life, but wine hangovers are the worst. (Actually, I think they’re the second-worst…have you ever been hungover from drinking too much cider? Do not recommend.) Wine is full of sugar, cogeners, sulfites, and (oh, yeah) alcohol. In other words, all the stuff that hangover scientists agree makes you feel like crap the next day.
Any type of booze can lay you low if you over-indulge, but I will say from experience that there’s something extra fearsome in the wrath of grapes. Why must wine lovers pay an especially high price for their transgressions? It must be nature’s way of balancing out the fact that we are the best-looking, wittiest, and most cultured drinkers around.
So, the wine hangover: We’ve all been there…and if you’re reading this, it’s possible that you’re there right now. I feel bad for you! I wish you felt better. Some people will tell you that the only way to get through a hangover is to wait it out, and that’s partially true–but you can lessen the duration and the severity of your symptoms. I’m about to share my highly specific, hard-won, multi-step process for beating a wine hangover. Complete as many of these steps as you can, and you’ll be brought back to life in no time.
Step 1: Drink an entire glass of water.
The very best thing you can do is drink an entire glass of water before you go to bed. But you didn’t do that, did you? That’s why you’re in this pickle.
As soon as you wake up and realize that the wine flu has been visited upon you, chug an entire glass of water. Not a giant tumbler–you don’t want to yak–but a normal-ass 12-ish ounce glass of cool or room-temperature water.
Dehydration is one of the main components of hangover misery. Drinking water alone won’t cure a hangover, but it will immediately attack some of the worst symptoms: Headache, irritability, dry mouth, and dizziness.
Sometimes the water will taste like elixir from heaven, and sometimes you’ll have to make yourself drink it, but ya gotta do it.
Step 2: Take something.
You’re holding an empty glass of water now, right? Good. Go refill it. Drink enough water to wash down the pills you’re about to take, then leave rest of the water by your bed for after you complete Step 3.
Pop a couple of aspirin or ibuprofen. Not Tylenol, Aleve, or anything containing acetaminophen because that will piss off your liver even more. Ditto for taking a larger dose than the package recommends. Two Advil will be enough, I promise.
Taking an oral NSAID pain reliever does two things: It begins softening that headache, and soothes any minor injuries you might have incurred last night while stumbling around like a dumbass.
Step 3: Go back to sleep.
While you’re waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in, go back to sleep. Seriously, the best way to get through a hangover is to not be conscious during it. You will feel soooo much better at 10:30 AM than you did at 8 AM, and the world can do without your presence for a while. There is no good news on your phone, and nothing important on social media, trust me.
So pull the drapes, silence all your alarms, and just go to sleep. Every time you wake up–and you may wake up, because alcohol disrupts sleep–drink some more water. If you can’t fall asleep, just get in your bed or couch and make yourself as comfy as possible.
I realize that not everyone will have the luxury of sleeping off a hangover. You may have a job to get to, kids bothering you, or other obligations. But if you do have the option of going back to sleep and you don’t do it, you’re just a masochist. After a couple glasses of water and a 1-2 hour nap, you should be feeling at least 40% less hungover.
Step 4: Wash your face and brush your teeth.
Getting out of bed the second time was way easier, right? The next step toward feeling human again is to do some hygiene stuff. If you’re anything like me, having one too many means you probably passed out with makeup on your face and wine tannins all over your mouth. Gross.
One of the ickiest hangover symptoms that almost nobody talks about is shame. You know, the whole “I bet I looked stupid last night, I’m a bad person because I was drunk, I deserve to feel hungover because I messed up” inner monologue. When you’re not clean and presentable, it only makes it likelier for those self-critical feelings to take hold. So brush your teeth, brush your hair, put on clean clothes (even if it’s just PJs). Today is a new day and now you’re minty fresh!
P.S. Some people swear by taking a hot shower or bath at this stage of the hangover recovery process. I don’t agree with that–I find that warm water makes me dizzy and being wet makes me feel irritable, like a little wet cat. Not only that, but baths and showers can be dangerous if there’s any risk of losing your balance or fainting. So I wait until I’m 99% feeling better to get 100% clean in the bath.
Step 5: Get some food.
Now you should be at the point where you can at least contemplate food without feeling queasy. So what sounds good to you? Look in your pantry or get on DoorDash and find something you think you can eat.
Do not–and I say this as a former line cook who worked a not-small number of breakfast shifts while hungover–do not be tempted to go all gourmet in the kitchen right now. With a bad hangover comes an extreme sensitivity to food odors, which may just be enough to send you back to bed (or the toilet). Come to think of it, don’t go to a diner or open-kitchen place, either. (Fryer grease and egg smells are the worst.)
Food remedies for hangovers are many, and mighty varied, so it seems prudent to have a brief discussion of the various food cures in the world’s hangover lore:
One school of thought says to choke down something disgusting, like a raw egg yolk, pickle juice, or tomato juice. I do not understand the gross hangover cures. Maybe they are for penance, or maybe the idea is to make you vomit and purge any bad booze that may still be rattling around in your system. Adding nasty, extra-salty or extra-sour food to an already angry stomach just seems unwise and a little self-abasing.
The opposite philosophy is to nibble on food that is as bland as possible, so as not to alarm a sensitive stomach. Proponents of the bland food method reach for saltine crackers, bananas, plain noodles or rice. (I don’t like boring food on a good day, and I really can’t stand it when I’m sick or hungover. I need something spicy to tempt me to eat when I’m under the weather. So that’s a “pass” for me.) Starting with something plain like a piece of a bread is a safe choice if you think there’s any chance it might come back up.
Finally, some people like to try and kill their hangover with a super-heavy meal: Cheeseburgers, omelets, pancakes and bacon, drive-thru chicken or tacos. The very idea of brunch revolves around this exact strategy–burying the alcohol under a mountain of calories, hijacking the attention of your metabolism and making it forget about everything you drank.
I’ve tried it–it can work. But trading a hangover for a carb coma does not make for a happy, productive day. Over-indulging in food can compound the feelings of shame and lethargy that come from over-indulging in booze.
What is the ideal hangover food? Something that sounds good to you. Something comforting and reasonably healthy. Preferably something with protein, moderate carbs, fluids, and salt to replace all the stuff your body has been missing, and hopefully convince it that you don’t actually hate it.
For me, the best recovery food is Thai or Lao soup. A big bowl of Tom Yum Goong (pictured), maybe throw in some rice noodles. Khao Poon (coconut red curry with chicken and cabbage) or Khao Piak Sen (fragrant ginger soup with chili oil). I’ll grab a coconut water while I’m at it. DFW’s Zaap Kitchen‘s food is sublime–a hangover-busting gift from the gods–but if I’m not near a Zaap location, spicy pozole rojo from a Tex-Mex joint is the next-best thing. (Real Texans opt for menudo, perhaps, but I include beef tripe in the “digusting hangover cures” column.)
If nothing hits the spot and your stomach is not having it, you should not force yourself to scarf down a big meal. Skip to step 6, and try eating something later in the day.
Step 6: Drink hydrating fluids throughout the day.
Okay now, you’ve got some water in you and (hopefully) some food. Your next task is to sip on something for several hours to fend off the effects of dehydration and a blood sugar crash.
Coconut water is the best. Powerade has gotten me through more hangovers than I care to admit (blue Powerade on ice from the McDonald’s drive-thru, yeah!). I hear that college kids these days are into Pedialyte. Whatever–as long as it’s liquid and has some salt and sugar in it, it will help you get to feeling normal again.
Avoid coffee, if possible–caffeine makes dehydration and nausea worse. Do not be tempted by “hair of the dog” remedies like mimosas and hot toddies. Booze is what got you into this sorry state–relying on it to get you out might be a sign of a problem.
Step 7: Make plans to do better.
I thought about calling Step 7 “Lie To Yourself,” because we all know this isn’t your first hangover and it probably won’t be your last. Promising yourself you’ll do better next time is so common it’s a joke. (I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that on a tea towel: “I’m never drinking wine again…oh look, wine!”)
But I don’t want to be flippant and act like hideous wine hangovers are something you just have to live with. It’s a choice. And the truth is, drinking too much isn’t healthy. The consequences aren’t fun. And there are ways to lessen the chances of morning misery while still drinking the wines you love.
Personally, I don’t drink to excess as much as I did in my 20s–but when I do push my limits, the hangovers are way worse. There’s a lot of science that aligns with that experience. Older bodies are less efficient at metabolizing alcohol, leading to a rougher morning after.
At the same time, as you age, your workload and responsibilities tend to increase. As I grow into my 30s and beyond, I find that I can no longer afford to waste a day being hungover the way I could when I was a college student and hourly worker. Over time, I’ve developed various strategies for reducing my alcohol intake and dodging wine hangovers. Maybe some of these ideas could work for you. They include:
-Buying wine in smaller containers (half-bottles or single-serve bottles and cans).
-Ordering a water or seltzer at the bar along with wine, and drinking both (no, it doesn’t count if you just look at the water).
-Buying a wine-preservation device for open bottles.
-Cultivating a taste for lower-alcohol styles (Vinho Verde or Beaujolais Nouveau are good ones. Moscato and Lambrusco are also relatively low in alcohol, but their sugar content can make hangovers worse).
-Asking for the check after your first or second glass, so you’re not tempted to keep ordering.
-Trading one glass of wine for a spritzer or a mocktail.
-Resisting social pressure to keep up with heavier drinkers.
-Enjoying wine and food together.
-Avoiding wines that you know tend to sneak up on you (high-alcohol or fortified wines, sugary wines, red wines with sulfites)
I’m not saying I never get hangovers anymore. (Hell, I’m a little bit crudo as I type this. They say write what you know!) But I feel all right, because slip-ups are getting rarer as I learn more about wine and about my own tolerances and preferences.
One positive thing about hangovers is that they can nudge you toward better habits. Making credible, actionable plans not to drink so damn much will help you feel better now and later.
Wishing you an easy recovery and many hangover-free days to come!
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